Week 11: Do you prefer taking risks or having a safety net?

My favorite movie growing up was The Sound of Music. I am a huge fan of musicals, for one, but I also loved the story. Sweet Maria, feeling trapped in her life of 'discipline,' never understanding why she doesn't fit in to the uniformed, regimented world of being a nun. In her confusion she seeks wise counsel and the answer comes from the Reverend Mother (in the form of my least favorite song, "Climb Every Mountain"). Maria learns she must "climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow, till [she] find[s] [her] dream." Despite my personal judgement of the song, it inspires Maria to go on a wild adventure. (Cue the BEST song of the move...)

She becomes a governess to a wealthy but cold widower, and then softens his heart and eventually becomes his wife. Oh, and of course they have seven amazing children who all sing like popstars. With the unfortunate exception of having to flee their mansion to escape nazis, they go on to travel the world and sing together. What a dream!

Well, I watched this movie over and over again growing up. It was so romantic, so inspiring. I find as an adult that I still love movies about people who drop everything to pursue a calling. Perhaps my love for watching other people do this, is due to the fact that I am quite the opposite. I love the passion and whimsy of it all, but when I look at my own reality, I am much more of a play-it-safe type of person.

I dream VERY big, and risk VERY little. I think I fear rejection more than I embrace adventure.

Despite all of that, God has led me a lot of places that I never would have gone on my own, and for that I am grateful. I make a habit of continually looking back on journals (yes, I keep all my old journals like a hoarder). I lack shelf-space, but I have access to re-reading the grace of God in my life. My journals are evidence of the faithfulness of God, regardless of my own hesitance to take risks. I have worked jobs I never should have applied for, met incredible people, traveled to many countries, and moved more times than I can count. Each new season has brought me a little bit further out of my comfort cocoon, allowing me to embrace risk a little more confidently.

I once wrote that I feel as though my entire life's quest is to keep myself wrapped up in a cozy blanket, and that the grace of God in my life is made evident in that He slowly, but surely pulls on the threads of that blanket, and one by one the 'comfort' I seek begins to unravel, leaving me bare, but open to embracing His comfort. I have found my 'blanket' is sort of like a childhood soother. Torn, dirty, old, but cherished because of its familiarity. As I let Christ unravel my version of comfort, He wraps me in His. "He has clothed me in garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness..." Isaiah 61:10.

My default remains to be a safety net seeker, yet I pray God continues to tug on the threads of my comfort blanket, and push me to take risks for His Glory.

As Maria said about her time at the Abbey, I pray I will always seek to "find what is the will of God, and do it wholeheartedly," and that His grace will fill in where my courage lacks.